Better Than Me
by bmsnakia361991
Summary: Walking away from you was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but even after 3 years, I knew I didn't have the strength enough to do it a second time. Fluri.


_Honestly. I have no idea where this came from. It just showed up in my mind and demanded to be written down. I didn't even plan it or anything. It just wrote itself. Seriously. _

_Well I hope you all enjoyed it. And (OH MY GOSH!) it was more than 2000 words! A real rarity for me lol._

**BETTER THAN ME**

**Summary: **_**Walking away from you was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but even after 3 years, I knew I didn't have the strength enough to do it a second time. Fluri.**_

Walking away from you was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. And I've done a lot of hard things over the years. Growing up the way I did, it would have taken a miracle for me not to have. But every step I took away from you was heavier than the last. Like I was walking through molasses. But I never turned back, even once.

If I had, I doubt that I would have been able to continue on.

I know that you can't forgive me for abandoning you like this. From now on, there will always be a wall between us, won't there? Whenever we see each other again, those precious side-long glances won't pass between us anymore. No more soft whispers at night that make us feel whole. No soft touches hidden beneath our armor.

But I'm no good for you Flynn. We made the promise to join the Knights together, but I only went just for you. I always knew that I was never meant for this life. But the look in your eyes when you told me of your dream, to change all of this from the inside, I couldn't disappoint you. So I joined.

And we fought together for three months. And I knew even from the first moment, that you were going to go on, much farther than I ever could. I'm just not meant for taking orders. But you. You were destined for more than you could ever achieve with me standing by your side.

Without me, Flynn, you'll go all the way. I won't be the one to hold you back.

I'd rather you fulfill your dream than hold you back just to fulfill mine.

So, I left you. And the Knights. And even the Empire itself.

How sad that I have to leave behind everything that I've ever known just to try and escape you. And even then, I still see you everywhere. I just can't escape you, can I?

But seeing you now, how far you've come. Commandant. The highest position you can get. I smile, knowing that this was what you were meant to be. The greatest and strongest of the Imperial Knights. I never had any doubts.

And I see the way she looks at you. She's completely devoted to you, you know. She would do anything to protect you and your feelings. Even make an attempt on my life. I know she never told you, and I would never tell you either. Sometimes I wonder if it would have been best if I had died that day back at Zaude.

You and her would be good together. Much better than we ever could have been. I would always drag you down. But she could lift you up. She's your second-in-command. She has a whole world ahead of her as well.

But me? I'm a lowly murdering criminal. And you know it, too. Even after Estelle and Ioder pardoning my crimes, it doesn't change what I did. I still killed people. I've dirtied my hands with their blood. I'm not even good enough to let you look at me anymore. I don't want to contaminate you with my stains.

The Brave Vesperia Guild that I created with Karol has grown. We are a strong guild now. Well-known over all of Illyccia and Tolbyccia. And now, we're even further apart. Worlds apart.

Looking back, I know that this was the best, though. You don't need me.

Karol's been bugging me for months now to return to the capital to visit everyone again, but I don't want to chance seeing you again. It's been 3 years since our last moments together. Since I left behind everything in Tolbyccia and moved my life to Dahngrest. I've put my all into growing our guild over the years. I've had to, to keep you from entering my mind.

Finally, I know I have to break down and venture out of my safe-haven hidden inside the city walls. I want to stay hidden away, but a royal order came. Estelle was wedding Ioder, and I was invited to attend. I would have to go, or I would never hear the end of it.

So we made our way towards the capital, Karol, Repede, Judith, Raven, and me. We stopped by Halure to pick up Rita into out little group and set out again. It was almost like old times.

Too much like old times when we reached the city walls. A city that I had put far behind me, determined to never step foot in again. I held my breath, my mind begging me to turn back, as I entered.

I couldn't go to the castle with the others to see Estelle. I knew you would be there. And even after all these years, I knew I wasn't ready to see you again. So I volunteered to stay back. I made the excuse of nostalgia, wanting to see my old home once again. So, here I am, in the lower quarter again.

I made my way to the inn where I lived for so long and rented my old room for the night. For once I had the money to spare. As I entered the tiny room, I felt a rush of comfort setting in for the first time in a long time. Suddenly I felt just like I had years and years ago, when we were young. Before we even joined the Knights.

And I missed it.

I laid down on the bed, remembering all the reasons that we could never be, and drifted off to an uneasy sleep.

Every day I managed to avoid visiting the castle. Until the day of the wedding. There was no way that I could avoid that. So I obediently followed behind the group as we made our way towards the castle. The day was beautiful, perfect for Estelle's wedding.

Then we finally entered and found our seats among her closest friends. It was quite an honor. To be sitting the closest to the front for the wedding of the Emperor and the Empress. And then the ceremony started.

Estelle looked amazing, but she wasn't what caught my eye. It was you. You held her arm as she glided up the aisle. You were the one giving her away, weren't you? I couldn't held the smile that crossed my face at your appearance.

You were breathtaking. If possible, you looked even better than what you used to. Standing there, wrapped in all your commandant armor. This was the world you were created for. The person you were meant to be.

Seeing you standing there, I knew that the decision I made all those years ago was the right one. I just can't imagine me standing anywhere near you right now. Not while you're shining in the amazing glow of the moment.

You guide her to the alter and smile at her, a true friend. When you step back, I see your eyes gliding across the crowd.

Then, they stop on me.

I held my breath as your eyes widen and your jaw drops. I watch as you gulp in a breath of air, completely focused on my presence. I can almost feel my face flushing as you don't pay any attention to the ceremony, all your focus on me, never leaving my being even for a second.

This was too dangerous for us. You should be focusing on your friend's moment, not me. I'm not worth this, Flynn. I force my eyes away from you to look at the bride and groom, trying to tell you to focus on them, but your gaze never wavers at all.

When the vows have finished and they are declared husband and wife, and all the guests stand, I slowly excuse myself. I needed to get away from you.

I didn't even make it to the door before you were upon me.

"Yuri."

I freeze as I hear your soft voice calling my name, my hand on the handle of the door. I was so close. I could still just keep going, keep walking through that door and never look back. I've done it before, but as I begin to pull of the door, I feel your hand covering mine.

I can't.

I keep my gaze down, not wanting to look into your eyes. I feel your hand wrapping around mine and pulling mind away from the handle. I watch in surprise as you open the door instead and pull me through, nearly running through the various hallways, dragging me behind you.

I can't manage a word as you pull me forward. But I nearly rip my hand from yours as I realize that you've pulled me to your room. You grip stays strong though. And you nearly drag me in to the room, throwing my inside and locking the door behind you.

I'm about to protest as I find your arms around my body. I stand in shock. What do I do?

"Yuri…" Your voice is filled with such joy that I feel my walls breaking down. Have you missed me? Hesitantly, I wrap my arms around you in return. Just for a second, I tell myself. I've missed this far more than I ever thought as I breath in your soft orchid scent.

Suddenly, you shove me backwards. I can't think as I'm falling or when I land on the soft fabric of your bed sheets. What are you doing, Flynn? Surely you know that we can't do this.

But before I'm able to protest, you're body follows mine and I feel your hands in my hair, your body pressing against mine, your lips hungrily taking mine. And I can't fight the moan of joy and pleasure from my being. The only thoughts I can think are just how much I've missed this feeling.

You don't stop as you unbuckle my belt, still fisting your hand in my hair, and pull off my shirt. My mind begins to fade as your hands begin roaming all over me. How good this feels! And as you pull away, only for a second to remove your armor, still pulling at my lips with your teeth, I can't manage to think of a reason to stop this from happening.

I reach up and push your shirt away from your body, dying to taste that beautiful skin again. In a haze of pleasure, I can barely feel your hands taking off my pants, or mine taking yours off, until I thrust up, feeling our hard, naked members pressing against each other. I break our kiss, crying out at the amazing feeling of you touching me. And I want more.

You gladly give me what I want as you grasp our members in your hand and roughly stroke them in one hard motion. I shift my hips forward. This isn't enough.

"AH-Flynn! Mmmm-more!" You look startled for just a second but quickly recover. For the life of me, I can't understand why you looked so shocked. And as you reach you fingers up to my lips, letting me take them in, I completely forget that you even gave such a look.

I suck at the digits in my mouth, wishing that it was something else entering my mouth, and I stare up into your eyes. I release you fingers just as you give out a wonton moan. My gaze doesn't leave yours as you bring your slick fingers down to my entrance, slowly circling them around my hole before pushing in.

I gasp at the intrusion. I hadn't felt anything so good in all the years we had been apart. The sting is there, but it's refreshing. Because I know that its you causing the sting. And as a second finger enters beside the first, I give out a cry of pleasure. There's pain, but you've pressed against my prostate, making me see stars in my vision. I shove my hips down closer to your fingers and I moan, letting you know that I wanted more of you.

You seem to falter just a moment and then I watch as you smirk, roughly shoving a third in. I cry out and jerk my hips. It hurts. But I still press back. It's been too long and I didn't want to wait any more. I slam my hips down onto your fingers, forcing them into my prostate once again before shifting forward, pulling your fingers free. You give me another surprised glance that becomes even more shocked as I wrap my legs around your body, rolling us over.

I'm straddling your hips with mine, your cock brushing against my entrance. Your eyes roll back and you cry out, thrusting upwards. I lift my body and position your member perfectly against me and drop down. The pain is terrible. An aching, burning sensation that threatens to rip me open, but I can't stop as I lift myself right back up and drop again. I do this a third time before you flip us over yet again, back into our first position.

You still above me as I cry out in frustration. I needed more. So why weren't you moving?

"Ah-Flynn!" I call out, hoping you understand what I need, but you only look down at me softly and run your fingers through my hair. The gentle motion is what catches my attention most. Your gaze is soft and caring as you smile at me. I nearly gasp at the full emotion that hits me from that single gaze.

Then you gently pull away, only leaving just the head of you still inside me, before moving just as slowly forward again. I toss my head back as you press against my prostate again. The pain is quickly fading with every gentle thrust and I'm suddenly begging you to thrust harder into me.

Your soft gaze hardens with lust and I nearly smile as you thrust, hard, into my body. Oh how good this feels. I rock back against you just as hard, nearly no pain present any more.

With every thrust I can feel myself getting closer and closer to the edge, and when you wrap your free hand around my hardened flesh, I cry out, knowing that I wouldn't last much longer.

I was right, and as I felt your thrusts falter in rhythm I can tell your close too. With a final, hard thrust inside me, I feel my body tighten up and suddenly release my seed all over our bodies as I call out your name in a deep moan. I can feel you hips struggle to thrust once and then twice before you shudder and scream out a strangled version of my name.

You fall down against me, sweat and cum mixing in between us, and you trail a line of kisses up from my neck to my lips. Then you relax your body and slip from me. I feel my eyes shut as I take in a deep breath, wondering why we waited so long to do this again.

…...

Then. My eyes shot wide open as I finally realized what we had just done. I close my eyes tightly, praying that this had just been another dream, but as I opened them again, seeing the cum coating our naked bodies, him lying, exhausted on top of me, I knew that this was real.

I knew he felt the tension return to my body, because he lifted his head and stared at me in concern. I can't speak though, but I know he can see the terror in my face.

Shocking me though, he smiles. A hand slowly reaches up to stroke my cheek and I can feel my body relaxing again. Then he moves closer, slowly enough to give me time to turn away if I wanted to, but I can't. When his lips touch mine, I knew that I was stuck. I wouldn't have the strength to ever leave again.

I sighed and wrapped my arms around his body, letting him know wordlessly that I wasn't going anywhere.

When he pulled back and his smile grew, I knew he understood. I gave back a weak smile.

"I love you Yuri. Will you stay here this time?"

Seeing the hope in his eyes, I knew I couldn't say no and disappoint him.

I pull him towards me, resting my face against his neck. I frowned into the skin, but I knew that I couldn't leave. I nodded once before I spoke.

"Yes, Flynn. I'll stay."


End file.
